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  • Writer's pictureA Desert Lotus

The Battle to be Genuine

This morning I woke again around 4AM while in Italy, oddly feeling rested, but frustrated with my inability to sleep. So I prayed, as I do when there's not much else going on. Giving thanks, saying glory be to God. Now I watch waiting for the sun to arise. I wonder about this site, the blog, my meditations, and the overall content. I wondered to myself about internal battle with whether I want to include content about God or keep it for general audience.

The verse of the day from my Bible app happens to share Mark 16:15, with Dave Adamson stating Jesus' last command to his disciples, to go and preach the gospel to all creation.

To go with intentionality, share your faith on social media. To tell something about Jesus. This is Me, I wondered whether to be authentic and share God, with others because I was worried it would cause others, clients, nonbelievers, to think differently about me. But I also recognize God called us to the broken hearted, the hurting, the beggars. Because if we turn away from those that need to hear about Hope, failing to turn towards those in need, when my life ends we will have to attest to Him. He stated he'd do the same and turn away from us.

While yes, I believe Jesus died for me, I'm forgiven and he came to give us life, his instruction still remains to follow his sacrifice yo love, care, and show generosity toward others by giving what we have. I'm not a millionaire, I want to believe that if I were I'd be trying to solve world hunger, provide clean water, give to the needy, without shelter, and offer access to necessities. I'm not, all that I have has been God given, did I need to work hard for it, absolutely. It was always God who got me through the hardest of times and was the same God to me through the best of times. I owe him my life.

Therefore, no matter what people might think of me, and I have grown up a people pleaser, almost predicting what others want and need from me. It's a skill, I've prided myself in.

I want to take up my cross and be true to my personhood. I hope that all I give is enough, that it'd bring glory to God.

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